Longing

A month ago, if you had told me that I would have been over the fact that my ex pissed me off enough to order a paternity test a few days before my daughter's birthday, I would have said that I would have held ground and stood firm on my decision and not taken her until the courts said so.

But every day that passed and I was unable to see Liliana in my life hurt a little more. I had been in her life for almost the entirely of her first year on this Earth. While I did ask for a DNA test, I did so to make sure that if I was going to support her, that she was mine. I could never deny that child because she is a splitting image of me, but on the off chance my ex lied to me, I wanted to be 100% sure. Not only that, but if I had waited until the courts, I would have never been served my custody papers and found out that my ex wanted full custody with no visitations with me. I found out later she did that because I denied the baby. I didn't deny her, I just wanted to make sure she was mine. Big difference.

I tried to be the bigger man and work something out with my ex, but she wouldn't budge. She told me that it wasn't a good idea, so I took her court to work out an agreement. The main reason I didn't take the baby over the last month was because I was afraid that after one more argument, I would get a cop at my door requesting that I return the baby because my ex claimed that I had kidnapped her. Which would be impossible, because I wouldn't be able to take the baby, all her essentials, and her clothes without my ex there.

So, that culminated into today when the court date was set. We went in and I wanted things to go back to normal. I would resume my two overnights a week and return Lily on the third morning. My ex thought that the baby was too clingy to her and that she might not take well to coming back into my life after a month. Needless to say, we sat in court for six hours to have a judge claim that we would ease Lily back into my life with "supervised" visits with my ex or her mom to make sure that the baby was comfortable with me to take on overnights again.

Now, I am not one to brag... Oh wait, yes I am. Needless to say, I went to see the baby today and was slightly nervous that she would not remember who I was and shy away from me. My fears were extinguished the minute Lily set eyes on me at the park for the first time in a month. She gave me the biggest smile she can put on that face, waved at me, and ran right at me. She thought it would be funny to veer at the last minute, but I snatched her up and hugged her tight and gave her a big kiss. Ease her back into my life? It's like I never left.

Unfortunately I have the biggest test of my patience in my life tomorrow and next week. I have to hang out with Lily with my ex or her mom around to make sure Lily is alright. But after today, I find that pointless. But I also know that if I am going to fix my relationship with Lily and be able to communicate with my ex again about the baby, I need to follow the courts for now and deal with it. In three weeks, I get the baby on my normal days and everything will be back to normal. Hopefully for good. Hopefully, I only have to talk with my ex on those days if needed.

Now, I have a belated one year old party to plan for my little one. I guess it will be a one-year-old party mixed with my 25th birthday. What a way to celebrate my birthday than with a birthday party for my little one. Nothing special really, just to say that I am sorry that missed your birthday, but I felt that having eyes bore holes in the back of my head because everyone hates me would not have been my idea of a fun time.

Anyway, that is all for now. I will post again later!

Impressed

Now, we all know that I am a huge sports fan. What you may not know is that I am not one to sit and watch a lot of games. Even my favorite sport baseball, I don't watch a lot of games throughout the year. It is a mix of the fact that I work a job and can't watch them all that way and because I usually find myself playing a video game instead. With the addition of Liliana in my life, that also takes away from my sports viewing time as well. But, if you have met my daughter and find out how freaking fun and funny she is, I think you would choose her over the sports too. Trust me though, she will know the rules of baseball (and the other major sports) when she grows up and she will be given the choice of whether she wants to watch or not. But that's my duty as the dad.

While I don't watch all the games throughout the year, I do make it a note to make sure I know what's going on in the world of sports. I know that the Celtics and Bruins are in the playoffs and I know that the Celtics just moved on to the second round. How do I know? Well, I do pay attention to this wonderful device known as the internet, the other device known as my cell phone, and the wonderful gadget in my car known as a radio.

This definitely isn't the same as actually sitting and watching the Bruins score that goal in double OT and watch the frenzy as they go up 3-2 in their series. Nor is it the same to just see that the Celtics just manhandled the Knicks in their series and swept the ever-loving hell out of them. But, at least when I go to work the next day, I know what the fuck is going on.

Now the Sox, I definitely pay attention to the most. Baseball is my number 1 sport, so naturally they fall on my radar more times than the other two. So, it was to my utmost surprise to see that Daisuke Matsusaka absolutely annihilated the Angels the other night, with 8 innings of 1-hit ball. Not only that, but he has allowed no runs and two hits in his last two starts. This, after being hammered by the Rays three starts ago. Sports radio was not kind to him after that Rays loss and wanted him to go away. Now, all you haters can suck it.

Now while it was a surprise to see Daisuke succeed (because he really hasn't done too much while he has been here), it was a surprise to see Lackey start off weak. He had one full year in the AL East to work out the jitters of being in Boston, so surely he would start out alright? Well, he has been the second question mark in the rotation. He got a win against the Yankees, but still allowed 6 runs in the game. Apparently he was bad enough to skip a turn in the rotation as well. He pitched fine in Oakland, but was just the victim of a bad offense at the time. So, it was somewhat of a surprise to see him pitch a shutout in back to back days with Daisuke. That, my friends, will definitely shut up those whining about the rotation.

Even better is that the lineup seems to be finally putting it together. They scored 12 runs in the last two games, and Carl Crawford hit a HR. So, it is definitely starting to look up.

Now all we need is for the Bruins to kill Montreal Tuesday and move closer to their first Stanley Cup in almost four decades. Go Bruins!

I guess that is all. Two more days til court. Wish me luck!

Liliana's First Birthday

April 23, 2010. A little girl named Liliana Grace Healey was born into this world. While it was unexpected for her to come along, she was definitely welcome into this world. It is unfortunate that she is growing up in a broken home, but sometimes that is something you can't predict nor stop. You just have to give them the best you can.

The worst thing a parent can do is use a child as a bargaining tool in a fight. Yes, me and my ex have definitely both used that chip, but the fact of the matter is this: I did mine to make sure that if I am going to support Lily, she is mine. She did hers to make sure that I don't see the baby, if the baby is mine or not. That is just not fair.

So, Liliana turned one yesterday and I was not able to see her on that day. It's not that I wasn't invited to the party, but I chose to give her a hard time about the fact. I also felt that I would not feel welcome. She told me that if I were to go, she would have to warn her friends to be cool with me. Now, as much as she can tell her friends that, I didn't feel like having eyes on me the whole time.

Then, there was this fact (which I learned something later, but still): Her boyfriend would be attending. Now, her boyfriend is the reason this whole mess occurred. Not for the obvious reasons, but the underlying ones. I gave in and said that I can't control her life and that is her decision to make who she dates. Now, I was worried about Lily's safety and who this guy was. Now we all know that when we ask an ex about her new significant other, they are going to do nothing but praise that person. So, I decided to dig. I logged into her email to find out where she met him, his dating site profile, and make an assumption based on what I knew.

What I found was the fact that the two of them started talking four days after I left the house and dirty pictures of her sent to him a month later. I gathered from what I read that he asked for them, a lot, and convinced her to send pictures that she told him she would never send. I also am lead to believe that she hadn't met him in person when she sent them and that the baby might be in the house while she was taking them. I only assume that because the pictures were taken on the couch when there is a bed in the other room that is comfier. But that's a stretch and I know that.

Now that I totally swerved to the past, the reason I didn't go to the party was him. For some reason, I just so feel angry towards this guy because I don't trust him around my daughter, but I don't have the say in that matter. But I do feel that if I met the guy, I might do something I regret. Besides, I feel like that they probably won't last more than six months, so why bother meeting this guy when he will be out of her life so soon. The reason I believe that? He is only in the relationship for the sex and I know that my ex will hold out if she gets pissed, so sure enough that is going to happen eventually, and once that happens, he will be out the door. My ex will suffer and so will the baby.

So the underlying issue here? I am upset that my ex is setting my daughter up for disaster so soon after I left the house. Even better? My ex doesn't want me to have joint custody of the baby or even have visitation rights and wants me to pay child support. How much sense does that make?

I am also pissed that my ex said that she wasn't going to invite her new man to the party, just because the day was about Lily and not about him. I found out later that she stuck to that, but still he was there and if anyone asked, she was going to tell the truth about who he was. Plus, it probably wasn't hard to put two and two together on who he was.

But anyway, I am not just ranting. So, since it is now 4am, I feel that going to bed is a good option. Good night for now.