Liliana's First Birthday

April 23, 2010. A little girl named Liliana Grace Healey was born into this world. While it was unexpected for her to come along, she was definitely welcome into this world. It is unfortunate that she is growing up in a broken home, but sometimes that is something you can't predict nor stop. You just have to give them the best you can.

The worst thing a parent can do is use a child as a bargaining tool in a fight. Yes, me and my ex have definitely both used that chip, but the fact of the matter is this: I did mine to make sure that if I am going to support Lily, she is mine. She did hers to make sure that I don't see the baby, if the baby is mine or not. That is just not fair.

So, Liliana turned one yesterday and I was not able to see her on that day. It's not that I wasn't invited to the party, but I chose to give her a hard time about the fact. I also felt that I would not feel welcome. She told me that if I were to go, she would have to warn her friends to be cool with me. Now, as much as she can tell her friends that, I didn't feel like having eyes on me the whole time.

Then, there was this fact (which I learned something later, but still): Her boyfriend would be attending. Now, her boyfriend is the reason this whole mess occurred. Not for the obvious reasons, but the underlying ones. I gave in and said that I can't control her life and that is her decision to make who she dates. Now, I was worried about Lily's safety and who this guy was. Now we all know that when we ask an ex about her new significant other, they are going to do nothing but praise that person. So, I decided to dig. I logged into her email to find out where she met him, his dating site profile, and make an assumption based on what I knew.

What I found was the fact that the two of them started talking four days after I left the house and dirty pictures of her sent to him a month later. I gathered from what I read that he asked for them, a lot, and convinced her to send pictures that she told him she would never send. I also am lead to believe that she hadn't met him in person when she sent them and that the baby might be in the house while she was taking them. I only assume that because the pictures were taken on the couch when there is a bed in the other room that is comfier. But that's a stretch and I know that.

Now that I totally swerved to the past, the reason I didn't go to the party was him. For some reason, I just so feel angry towards this guy because I don't trust him around my daughter, but I don't have the say in that matter. But I do feel that if I met the guy, I might do something I regret. Besides, I feel like that they probably won't last more than six months, so why bother meeting this guy when he will be out of her life so soon. The reason I believe that? He is only in the relationship for the sex and I know that my ex will hold out if she gets pissed, so sure enough that is going to happen eventually, and once that happens, he will be out the door. My ex will suffer and so will the baby.

So the underlying issue here? I am upset that my ex is setting my daughter up for disaster so soon after I left the house. Even better? My ex doesn't want me to have joint custody of the baby or even have visitation rights and wants me to pay child support. How much sense does that make?

I am also pissed that my ex said that she wasn't going to invite her new man to the party, just because the day was about Lily and not about him. I found out later that she stuck to that, but still he was there and if anyone asked, she was going to tell the truth about who he was. Plus, it probably wasn't hard to put two and two together on who he was.

But anyway, I am not just ranting. So, since it is now 4am, I feel that going to bed is a good option. Good night for now.

Necessary

I haven't updated this in three and a half years? What the hell could I be doing for three and a half years that would stop me from doing so? Well, my friends, if you are reading this, you more than likely know why.

While she is only a year old (well, she will be in almost 20 hours by the time I write this), had to meet the girl that bore her and date her for almost 2 years and create that. But, of course, in that last year of the relationship, it all exploded. I mean, nuclear bomb explosion.

And now I fight. I fight to bring that beautiful girl back into my life. But that isn't why I posted this.

I posted this because I haven't posted in a long time and have been finding that posting my thoughts of the last day are helping me through some tough times. Fighting with my ex over our breakup, fighting with her over her choices in life (which I know I have no say in but when they relate to that little girl I do), fighting to win custody of the baby. Finding a new girl to enter my life and not having luck in that department. Being stressed that a girl may have entered my life but that has definitely has stalled beyond belief. It's like a certain friend zone girl all over again, and if you knew that story you would know that I do not want to venture on that journey ever again.

I also am posting because I have realized lately that I haven't done anything really to further my career as a journalist. Since the baby was born, I have put all my effort into making sure she was taken care of before I continued my education. Now that I am back on my own (well, living with my family again) I have the chance to go back to school. Now I won't go back until the fall more than likely, but I still want to get back and finish it eventually.

How does that relate to this blog? Well, putting my writing out there is the first step in proving that I definitely can write and write about anything. Now, my passions are sports and video games, so I definitely will be writing a lot about those two topics. I have a little extra money nowadays that I can use to go out and buy some games and try to review them as best I can. That way, when I put together a portfolio of my work, I can hopefully include this work. I may even start my other blog up again and try to play through the NES library. For those who don't know, I made it a goal last year to play through the NES library, finish them all, and review the games and process. It did end up changing to just at least playing each game once and review the game and the process. I didn't even make it out of the A's.

I am definitely looking for ways to enhance the fact that I end up staying up til 4-5am every day. Now that will more than likely change once I get the baby again, but for the most part it won't. The days I have the baby, I will go to bed early, but the days I don't, I will stay up. What a better way to waste my time than to chat with friends and to further my career. Now the thing that I need to work on is making sure I follow through on promises and actually do it.

With that said, I think I will go to bed for the evening, since I have to work at 1 tomorrow and it is currently 5am. So until later, have a good one internet.

Red Sox

I haven't updated in a while, but then again no one ever read this thing to begin with. So, here I go on my happiness/angry rant about the Red Sox, the World Series, and other misc. baseball notes. Red Sox First, there is my beloved Red Sox. As I heard earlier on the radio, I am not a "pink hat" Red Sox fan. By that, I mean I have always loved the Sox since I knew I loved baseball. I have always been in this area, watched them, and loved the history of this team. I have not been on this Earth a very long time, but I have been here long enough to know the heartache the team had given fans for years. I witnessed it myself in '03 and to an extent in '04. But, everything prior Game 4 of the '04 ALCS, everything is in the B.S. era. Not the one you're thinking of, but what I read in the Herald today: Before Steal. I have been a fan of the Sox and baseball since around the age of 5. My dad would watch games, explain the game to me, and we would watch together. It was fun and I grew to love the sport. I love to talk baseball with people who hate it, and defend the sport with a passion. If I were to attempt a sport in the near future it would be baseball. I am urging to play, but I can not seem to find a way to play. Since I have been a fan for so long, the Red Sox winning in '04 was very special. I know I haven't been through what most fans in their 40's-70's have, but I know the history. I knew about the supposed curse, the Impossible Dreams, the Bucky Dent's, and the Buckner's. I knew most recently with the Little's and the Aaron Boone imitating Dent. I also know the almost disaster of '04. I sat in my bed in '04 when Mariano Rivera came in the ninth of Game 4. I sat there with hands on my face, watching the Sox being pummeled once again by the Evil Empire. I found myself not wanting to watch, but doing so anyway. I then watched as the Sox did the impossible and tie the game and continue playing. I also regret ever admitting that I went to bed one half inning before that amazing homerun by Ortiz because I knew in my heart the Yankees would overcome and win. I was proven wrong the next morning when I found out the news. After the missed opportunity of Game 4, I resolved to watch Game 5 in it's entirety. Then Game 6, and finally Game 7. I watched as Boston smoked the Cardinals, and finally broke the curse. 86 years of torment was finally laid to rest. We could finally say we were the champs. Don't get my wrong, '07 was amazing as well. We did everything right this year. We won the division for the first time since 1995, around the same time I started following the Sox more closely. They won the division in amazing fashion, taking the lead in April and never turning it over. They swept the Angels again, they were almost crushed by the Indians, only to show them that this team never dies. Then, we sweep another World Series (although this one was a lot closer than the scores will show). Two times in four seasons. It doesn't get any sweeter. Red Sox Critics But, since we are winning two times in four seasons, there are people who are not happy. I will admit, as a baseball fan, nothing would have been nicer to see the Rockies win there first World Title. However, my Boston fan side wanted them to be crushed, which ended up happening. It's that mentality that seems to piss so many people off around the country. Red Sox Nation. You've heard the term. It's the collective group of fans from this entire country that pledge allegiance to the Red Sox. They live in other states that isn't named Massachusetts, but they still call themselves fans. I cannot tell if all these fans are legit, but most of them certainly are. It still amazes me when I turn on my TV to watch an away Sox game, and see more people cheering the Sox than they are the other team. But, there are still those diehard fans who root other teams that see what the Sox did this year and dislike us. They start making the excuses to why we are winning and can't admit that this team might just be good. Most of the excuses are about the payroll. The Red Sox own the second highest payroll in the MLB, second only to the rivals. But, there is a major difference between how the Yankees play and the Red Sox play. If you look at the World Series roster again, you'll notice that a lot of the names on that team and young players. They haven't reached the prime of there career, and most are playing for chump change when compared to big contracts in the game. So, the payroll and money issue can't really play much of a factor. Jealously, gotta love it. Re-sign Lowell and Don't Sign A-Rod The worst showmanship in the game was displayed during the game on Sunday night. Late into the game, a few innings before the Red Sox were crowned, it was announced that Alex Rodriguez was becoming a free agent. His agent, Scott Boras, broke the news to everyone which then ended up on the World Series broadcast. If you have ever talked to me, you know I am an avid listener of Sport Radio WEEI. If you get into my car, you'll see the dial on 850 AM mostly everytime. So, to hear what was said after this happened was funny, but very true. Scott Boras, for those who don't know, is a superagent in baseball. He is a very good bullshit artist when it comes to selling players in the game, but he does it with precision. If you are a Sox fan, you can't help but dislike this guy. He does represent a lot of the players on the team, but he also represents Alex Rodriguez. Alex Rodriguez is the best player in the game today. As a Sox fan and avid Yankee hater, I can't put my bias against the guy when he is doing as well as he is. But, from what he shows on TV and during games, he seems very arrogant. He knows he's that good and he LOVES to show it. Hence, the reason you were informed during the World Series that he was becoming a free agent. You know what this truly shows? That A-Rod really thinks he is better than the World Series. Why else would he and his agent announce this small bit of information when the Red Sox were the main story? He didn't want to be out of the spotlight, so he forced himself back into it. So, when you heard the chants of "Don't Sign A-Rod", it is a sentiment to how many fans, including myself, feel. We don't want this scum on our team; we'd rather have Mike Lowell, the "throw-in". Mr. MVP Speaking of the "throw-in", it was very nice to see Mike Lowell win the MVP of the World Series. For those who don't know and were only watching the World Series, Mike Lowell was an added bonus for the Sox when they signed ace Josh Beckett. The Florida Marlins were willing to dish out Beckett, but only if Lowell went with him; this was done because they didn't want his contract anymore, it was worth too much. This guy is a class act. Not only did he come in here last year and play, he played well. We filled in that third base role nicely with good defense and average offense. That, however, changed this year when Lowell played like he was out of his mind. I think it was saying something that when Manny Ramirez was out of the lineup, this guy stepped into that cleanup spot perfectly and helped the Sox get into the postseason and win the division. Not only that, but he stayed in the spot until the end of the season, even when Manny came back and started batting second. I think that was saying something. So, when you heard the A-Rod chants Sunday, you also heard the advice of Red Sox Nation on who should be there. "Re-Sign Lowell" wasn't just a chant, it was a message to the front office. We love this guy as our third baseman, and we want him here. Now, we just have to wait for them to listen. Offseason Now, we can FINALLY look into the offseason. As a WEEI fan, people has started the offseason talk in late September. So, now we can start talking about it. But, I think I will wait to talk next time. I am getting tired and starting to fall asleep. I have more to talk about, but I will save it. So, until next time... Good night.