Social Media vs. Retail Hell: The Reckoning.

This may the most emotional and truthful post I have ever posted.  I am going to do my best to write it within the guidelines I have been given and I will definitely skirt around topics to work for my agenda and mine alone.  But after being in retail for almost half my life, I feel that I need to once again get my feelings about the industry off my chest.  It will be nice release of anger.

Necessary

I haven't updated this in three and a half years? What the hell could I be doing for three and a half years that would stop me from doing so? Well, my friends, if you are reading this, you more than likely know why.

While she is only a year old (well, she will be in almost 20 hours by the time I write this), had to meet the girl that bore her and date her for almost 2 years and create that. But, of course, in that last year of the relationship, it all exploded. I mean, nuclear bomb explosion.

And now I fight. I fight to bring that beautiful girl back into my life. But that isn't why I posted this.

I posted this because I haven't posted in a long time and have been finding that posting my thoughts of the last day are helping me through some tough times. Fighting with my ex over our breakup, fighting with her over her choices in life (which I know I have no say in but when they relate to that little girl I do), fighting to win custody of the baby. Finding a new girl to enter my life and not having luck in that department. Being stressed that a girl may have entered my life but that has definitely has stalled beyond belief. It's like a certain friend zone girl all over again, and if you knew that story you would know that I do not want to venture on that journey ever again.

I also am posting because I have realized lately that I haven't done anything really to further my career as a journalist. Since the baby was born, I have put all my effort into making sure she was taken care of before I continued my education. Now that I am back on my own (well, living with my family again) I have the chance to go back to school. Now I won't go back until the fall more than likely, but I still want to get back and finish it eventually.

How does that relate to this blog? Well, putting my writing out there is the first step in proving that I definitely can write and write about anything. Now, my passions are sports and video games, so I definitely will be writing a lot about those two topics. I have a little extra money nowadays that I can use to go out and buy some games and try to review them as best I can. That way, when I put together a portfolio of my work, I can hopefully include this work. I may even start my other blog up again and try to play through the NES library. For those who don't know, I made it a goal last year to play through the NES library, finish them all, and review the games and process. It did end up changing to just at least playing each game once and review the game and the process. I didn't even make it out of the A's.

I am definitely looking for ways to enhance the fact that I end up staying up til 4-5am every day. Now that will more than likely change once I get the baby again, but for the most part it won't. The days I have the baby, I will go to bed early, but the days I don't, I will stay up. What a better way to waste my time than to chat with friends and to further my career. Now the thing that I need to work on is making sure I follow through on promises and actually do it.

With that said, I think I will go to bed for the evening, since I have to work at 1 tomorrow and it is currently 5am. So until later, have a good one internet.

Dating/Management

Dating About a month ago, I posted on here the trials I had in asking a girl out on a date. It is the hardest thing for me to do, but I ended up doing it. An accomplishment in itself, really, but the "backlash" of sorts really pissed me off. The accomplishment, of course, if you were to ask anyone seems a little to crappy. I ended asking her out (whilst making a fool of myself, of course) on MySpace through a message. She sent one back to tell me that she had too much on her plate at the time to committ into a relationship and that we should just remain friends for the time being. Something, I would like to point out, that I've heard far too many times in my past. Therefore, it sort of pissed me off, but my personality allowed to suck it and respect her decision. As much as I would like to find a girlfriend and I, at times, feel like I am trying to hard, I know it just won't happen out of the blue. The thing that really pisses me off? I find out a week later that she is now in a relationship. So, her excuse on me lasted a week. Therefore, I knew that once again I was stuck in the friend zone, a place that has I have a permanent reservation at, it seems. Naturally, I was down in the dumps. I even told my coworker (who was having boy issues of her own) that I was giving up on dating and that if I wanted a girlfriend, they can ask me on a date. Apparently, my date radar is broken, so I'll let them ask me instead. Funny thing? This coworker and I had been having conversations about another coworker who she thinks likes me. I told her that couldn't possibly be, as my own personal defense mechanism. Now in order to finish this story, I need to lead into it. This coworker and I had the conversation above (about the coworker liking me) one night, so I decided to tell that girl about it as a joke. She then laughed and told me that day crew (I work night crew) had been telling her the same thing. Apparently, everyone at Dunks has been trying to play matchmaker between her and I. We shrugged it off, considering she has a strict "no dating coworkers" personal rule of hers. She joked that in order for everyone to get off our backs, we should go out once, tell everyone it didn't work, and that's that. That's exactly what she did. The week leading into New Year's Eve, she asked me about making plans to hang out on New Year's. I had plans to stay home and play games with my sisters, but getting out for a few hours wouldn't hurt. We both would think about it and get back. Stupid me, didn't ask for a phone number, so I would never have been able to tell her anyway. Now you're thinking, "You work with her. Her number should have been posted." You're talking about Mr. Nice here. That, my friends, is an invasion of privacy. Actually, if you wanted to get technical, those numbers are there for "emergency purposes", such as when I called in Monday. But, that's another story for later in the blog. I told her such, so she gave me her numbers personally, so now I have no excuse. I have certainly been biased towards the fact that I wouldn't mind dating this girl. But, there are my doubts. In the name of my sister's advice and me working with her. She is a very nice girl, but she does seem to have her moments. However, who am I to talk, considering how I acted Christmas Eve. That, and me and dating are not the best of friends. I don't know how to get to know a girl properly, so how would I know if she isn't the one. That sounded really weird, when I was typing it. Odd. So, I work with the girl tomorrow, so this topic will more than likely break open during the night. Who knows, maybe I'll find out she isn't everyone of my worst nightmares in a girl and she is the one. Then again, I could find out she is not the one. Now, I am afraid. Wish me luck. Management If you've read this blog, you know me and my history with management. Most suck and if they don't suck, their bosses suck. Someone in the management ladder has to suck. It's a law. If it isn't, it should be. It's the "Management Sucks Law". My newest rant on management involves my earlier mention of calling out on Monday. It starts Sunday. Sunday, I went to work in the morning (which is a miracle in itself). I worked the shift, went home, and planned on spending the night at home (since certain "plans"(if you can call them that) fell through). We were all going to play poker, which seems to be the entertainment in my house now. I made myself some dinner and we started playing. This, however, starts right when I was making dinner. I started getting a sore throat, something that doesn't hit me very often. I ignored it and went on with my dinner and fun. All throughout the poker games, however, everything else decided to join the fun in my body. Sore throat invited stuffy nose, headache, minor aches and pains, and general shittiness into the party. Throughout the night, it got progressively worse, to the point where I just wanted to sleep. Now, considering it is now 3:26AM EST and I am currently writing this and not sleeping must say something about the next statement: I laid down at 11:30, watched the ball drop at midnight, and fell asleep not too long after. There are two signs you need to look for in me to know that I am REALLY sick. I blow my nose (exception being at work, because picking your nose is considered "unsanitary" there :)) and I am sleeping normal hours. I feel asleep at around 12:30am, awoke for a bathroom break at 4:30am, went back to bed at 5am, and reawoke at 1pm, still feeling like shit. I decided that my general shittiness was enough to warrant a call out, something I haven't done yet at Dunks (which is a note you should remember). I called the store and told them I wasn't coming in because of my general shittiness. I told them I had just woken up from sleeping all night, not feeling good, and wasn't going in. They said ok, and everything was golden. I decided to channel surf for a little then go back to bed. This is where the fun began: I get a phone call. Now, when I get a phone call, it's one of two things, family or work (unless it's wednesday, then it's my friend). Since I was currently in sight of all my family, then it must have been work (which I don't understand why they would call me when I just called out). It was the manager of another store. She informed me that they were unable to find a replacement for me that night and that I would have to go in anyway. Now it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize how pissed that statement made me. I told her that I was really sick and was unable to come in. She went on and on about the rules and that you needed to find your own replacement and the time window for calling out was 4-6 hours before your shift and blah blah blah. I continued to tell her I was sick and wasn't coming in. She then told me there was coverage until 6pm and that I would have to come in then. So, in a pissy tone I told her fine, hung up on her, and threw the cordless phone across the room, breaking the battery off and scattering my GBA games on the floor. I was pissed. Not only have I never called out before to this place, but now I find out that apparently I can't call out. Interesting. That didn't settle well me, of course. I got up, fixed the phone, put my GBA games back in order, opened the door, and slammed it. Now, when someone slams a door in my house (or any house for that matter), someone is REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, pissed. So, it was no surprise that everyone looked at me (knowing that I'm sick) and asked what was wrong. I told them the situation and that I couldn't call out, put the phone back, opened my door again, and once again slammed it. I then dropped onto my bed and proceeded to clench my fist and almost break down. Now, remember this kiddies: No matter how much you fight with your family about the stupid shit in life, they will always and I mean always have your back, no matter the situation. This remains true to this day with my mom and her continuing issues with my brother. My mom and sister proceeded to call everyone back and tell them I couldn't come in (throwing in the occasional lie about me vomiting here and there). We finally reached the agreement that I would need a doctor's note (which is something we apparently can easily get in this house) and that if I was still not feeling well to call earlier tomorrow. I went back to bed at 2pm and woke up at 6pm. I started feeling better. I ate some tomato soup (something I haven't had as soup in a long time) and watched Raw and played some games. However, remember, if you sleep for 17 hours, don't expect to easily fall back asleep the next night. Finally falling asleep at 6am, I woke up at 11am Tuesday to go to the doctors and get my body checked. I only had flu like symptoms, nothing more. I got my doctor's note, went to Dunks, handed it over, told them I would be in later, and got some food. My trials with that place continue to make me wonder why everyone is so astonished with the fact that I hate it so much. Amazing. Anyway. I have a LAN party on Friday. It is something I have never been to, but am looking forward to. It does seem like it's becoming more of a hassle to attend this, as I need to go get one more game for it tomorrow. But it's ok. The game is free for me, now that I have a $20 gift card to Gamestop, courtesy of my friend who owed me money he didn't even remember (nor did I). And that's all I have to say for now.

Writing

I have to be a real idiot. Two months, two novel(la)s. It's going to be fun. For those who don't know, there is a site online called NaNoWriMo, and it's an online challenge where you have to write a 50,000 novel in one month (the month of November). Those who make it to the end get an awesome banner and the satisfaction that you finished. Well, I plan to enter the challenge this year because I have an idea that I have wanted to write a story anyway. Not only that, but a ZU writer decided to start a ZuNoWriMo with a 30,000 novella in the same format on in October rather than November. So, that means, 80,000 words, 2 stories, two months. I am a fucking crazy person. But I love the challenge. Not to mention I work a full time job. So yea, it's going to be a crazy two months. That's all I got for now.

Management

Wow, it's been a while. It must have been a good few weeks. Life update, I've finally decided to switch to a more normal sleep schedule. It feels really weird. Anyway, my rant today is about management. The act of being a manager. Not something like time management. The lack of intelligence and/or deep desire to fuck people over royally makes me so upset about management. Ninety-five percent of you reading this know EXACTLY what I am talking about when I say this. The assistant manager at my Dunkin Donuts is a fucktard. If you have never heard that statement before, it is made by taking the words fuck and retarded and combining them. It's more insulting, more vulgar, but the retards don't know you're talking about them (that was so in bad taste). But she is VERY fucktarded. She has three things against her. 1) She can't spell. But, that's not the main reason why she is fucktarded. 2) She can't schedule people properly. I learned about the spoils system is school and thought it wasn't in effect anymore, but boy was I wrong. People she likes get more hours and people who rebel against her get less. Take any of the night people for instance. I have 4 nights, another has 4, and the other didn't get any. 3)She's paranoid and loves enforcing shitty rules. You would think these two are separate, but they play on the other. The being paranoid part comes from being scared that she is going to get fired because her boss is pissed at the way things are being run. Therefore, she posted all these bullshit rules that basically prohibit any work from getting done. But, us night crew rebels still don't follow them and are still getting things done without them knowing. The only reason I rant about this is the fact that I am the main reason why she is implementing rules. Before you call me paranoid, I have the facts behind it. I came in one night to start my shift at 2pm and starting breaking things down that should have been saved until like 5-6pm. But, having worked with someone who started that early, I started that early. This whiny bitch went and tattled to this asst. manager about me doing it. Next day, a sign saying not to start until 8pm was put up. Yet, we don't follow it. Then, to confirm this, she went up to another employee and asked if I was still doing it. Now if that doesn't just blow smoke up your ass, I don't know what will. That got to me and I don't know really why. But, that person stuck up for me, so it's ok. I then proceeded to break stuff down tonight at 5pm on the dot. I know how management works. I was an assistant manager. I know how you are groomed to be there and how you are supposed to act. But, I also know that some rules are only there to be broken. That's all rules are. They are there to enforce some sanity in a company, but most are just plain bullshit. I told others that if I ever started a company, the rules would be simple. Don't be a fucktard, don't steal money, and don't be too vulgar. Otherwise, have a ball. Because you aren't here to be fucking robots, running around for a company that doesn't give a fuck who you are, or if you make it anywhere in this world. That's why I hate business, but that's more another rant. But, that's all I have to say about that.

Jobs

It seems the writing bug has bitten hard this time around. The urge for me to write is strong, yet that piece for ZU I want to write remains unwritten. I find it funny that I have been searching online for jobs in journalism. The only bad part being that I actually need college experience to get the jobs. If only they accepted the fact that I was on my high school's newspaper and nothing more. I actually do know what i'm doing, even if most don't think so. That's the only thing I hate about jobs. Certain jobs, like writing, shouldn't require a college education. I don't mean that people who speel liek tis should be able to be a reporter. I mean, if you can impress a publisher with a piece of work enough, you should get the job. Continuing to woo said publisher is the bonus. I know what you're thinking. I am trying to find an excuse to stay out of school. You could be far from the truth. I want to go back, i've been itching for the past year. The funds are what's keeping me out. I just need to win the lottery or have something just drop my tuition fees in my lap, and I am all set. Those commercials are so true. "I need money to go to school, but I need school to get a better job, so I can make the money I need to go to school." It's an endless fucking cycle. It's amazing how people are able to accomplish the loop without spiraling too far into debt. Granted, I am paying off a loan that went down the shitter, but once it's paid off, that an extra $50 a month to my name. Granted, it's going to take me 15 months to do it, but that's closing in. It's also amazing that I can find something to rant about every night. It must be to keep my mind off other issues. Like the state of the world and my body. Both, to which, I don't want to get into. Life sucks and it's only recently I've believed that to the fullest extent. But, I chug along knowing I must be here for a reason, otherwise I wouldn't be here at all. And that's all I have to say for now.

Work

You know, if you know me, you know that I have two styles to me personality. I have my laid back, really lazy side and I have my hard-working, must get everything done side. Currently, my lazy side is in full force. As mentioned before, I told you about my love of writing, yet the lack of inspiration to do anything about it. I am currently in the middle of writing an article for ZU (which I believe I said as well), which I took a break from to write this. I also took a break from it to chat in the chatroom, practice my hitting stance, and go to the bathroom. My two sides also show up at work. I am either the most laziest cleaner/stocker in the store that night, or I am doing everything at such a pace, I even amaze myself. Sunday and Monday are two great examples. Sunday, I was really lazy, and didn't want to do a thing. It might have something to do with the fact that halfway through the shift, my inner thigh decided to say "fuck you" and started hurting again. Therefore, I did shit on Sunday. Monday, however, I got in, started doing dishes, took out the trash, took orders, and started stocking. It was pretty much nonstop all night. My leg started nagging at the end, but not to the extent it has been hurting. Right now, my leg is fine. It seems the pain is starting to subside for the most part, however that doesn't keep my nerves in check. I still believe that something is wrong and probably will be back in the doctors office in no time, asking for them to do a test in my area, so they can finally tell me I am a massive hypodroniac who has nothing better to do than think he has something he doesn't. That's my life. I go to bed every night and the first thing I think of is whether or not I wake up in the morning. It's depressing, I know, but it's good in a way. It makes me appreciate what I have more and makes me more motivated to do more. Including going back to school, which you wouldn't expect anyone to be itching to go back after 2 years off. I have never been the normal person in the bunch. Ask anyone who knows me. Well, I better set off to work on this article. I have many more I want to write, but the patience and attention to do it isn't there. And I say I want to be a journalist... And for those who wished I updated (to which I say, what the fuck are you on), this hasn't been in the front of my mind, as you just read.