Liliana's First Birthday

April 23, 2010. A little girl named Liliana Grace Healey was born into this world. While it was unexpected for her to come along, she was definitely welcome into this world. It is unfortunate that she is growing up in a broken home, but sometimes that is something you can't predict nor stop. You just have to give them the best you can.

The worst thing a parent can do is use a child as a bargaining tool in a fight. Yes, me and my ex have definitely both used that chip, but the fact of the matter is this: I did mine to make sure that if I am going to support Lily, she is mine. She did hers to make sure that I don't see the baby, if the baby is mine or not. That is just not fair.

So, Liliana turned one yesterday and I was not able to see her on that day. It's not that I wasn't invited to the party, but I chose to give her a hard time about the fact. I also felt that I would not feel welcome. She told me that if I were to go, she would have to warn her friends to be cool with me. Now, as much as she can tell her friends that, I didn't feel like having eyes on me the whole time.

Then, there was this fact (which I learned something later, but still): Her boyfriend would be attending. Now, her boyfriend is the reason this whole mess occurred. Not for the obvious reasons, but the underlying ones. I gave in and said that I can't control her life and that is her decision to make who she dates. Now, I was worried about Lily's safety and who this guy was. Now we all know that when we ask an ex about her new significant other, they are going to do nothing but praise that person. So, I decided to dig. I logged into her email to find out where she met him, his dating site profile, and make an assumption based on what I knew.

What I found was the fact that the two of them started talking four days after I left the house and dirty pictures of her sent to him a month later. I gathered from what I read that he asked for them, a lot, and convinced her to send pictures that she told him she would never send. I also am lead to believe that she hadn't met him in person when she sent them and that the baby might be in the house while she was taking them. I only assume that because the pictures were taken on the couch when there is a bed in the other room that is comfier. But that's a stretch and I know that.

Now that I totally swerved to the past, the reason I didn't go to the party was him. For some reason, I just so feel angry towards this guy because I don't trust him around my daughter, but I don't have the say in that matter. But I do feel that if I met the guy, I might do something I regret. Besides, I feel like that they probably won't last more than six months, so why bother meeting this guy when he will be out of her life so soon. The reason I believe that? He is only in the relationship for the sex and I know that my ex will hold out if she gets pissed, so sure enough that is going to happen eventually, and once that happens, he will be out the door. My ex will suffer and so will the baby.

So the underlying issue here? I am upset that my ex is setting my daughter up for disaster so soon after I left the house. Even better? My ex doesn't want me to have joint custody of the baby or even have visitation rights and wants me to pay child support. How much sense does that make?

I am also pissed that my ex said that she wasn't going to invite her new man to the party, just because the day was about Lily and not about him. I found out later that she stuck to that, but still he was there and if anyone asked, she was going to tell the truth about who he was. Plus, it probably wasn't hard to put two and two together on who he was.

But anyway, I am not just ranting. So, since it is now 4am, I feel that going to bed is a good option. Good night for now.